No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
