Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
