so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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