That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
