How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
