I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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