When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
