On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
