Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
