just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
