I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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