so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
