She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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