so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The uberlube is also flammable
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
