He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
