Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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