i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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