Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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