anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
