my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
