So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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