well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
