I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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