He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
