Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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