I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
