He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
