ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
