No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
