Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
