Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she woke up with a sticky ear
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
