In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
