what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
