R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
