I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
