Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
MIDGETS
????
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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