i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
