She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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