he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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