Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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