Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
