So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
