Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
