like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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