There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
