How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
