Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
