if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
