So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
