Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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