there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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