Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
