I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
