just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
