I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
