I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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