i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
