dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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