tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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