It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
