Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
