So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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