I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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