i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize