false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
