What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize