my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
did you just send me my own nude
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
