i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
