Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
