do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
