once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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