Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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