His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
