did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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