if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
