I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
