hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
