I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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