Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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