in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
