just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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