You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
