Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
