I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
