Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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