my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
